I suffer from depression. Maybe I have my whole life, I don’t know. I didn’t really recognize it though until after I had my second baby. My girls are only 17 months apart and it was very overwhelming to work full time and try to take care of my girls, my husband, my home, my job, and myself.

On the surface it looked like everything was ok. To the outside world, I probably looked like I had things together and was happy. Inside, though, I was slowly dying.

I lost interest in everything I used to love. I quit hanging out with the friends I had. I no longer wanted to write. My house was a disaster. I just didn’t care.

I didn’t spend any time with my kids or my family. I just withdrew into myself. I became a shell of what I once was. I gained weight. I didn’t care how I looked. I don’t think I cared about anything really.

I would also say that this was the beginning of the problems that I had with my husband. Our marriage would slowly fall apart over the next 4 years. I would eventually even move out and file for divorce.

We ended up going to marriage counseling where I admitted again that I suffered from depression. I went on meds and continued the counseling. My husband and I reconciled and we are happier than we have been in a long time.

I have been spending time with my family again. My husband and I make an effort to connect. I am taking better care of my home. I am writing again. Overall, I am taking care of me again.

I quit the meds and no longer go to counseling, but I can feel the depression creeping back in. Just last week I felt a sense of hopelessness like I haven’t in a long time. I am making an appointment to see my counselor again and will fill my prescription. I don’t want to spiral like I did a year ago.

I would like to think that I am smarter now. I know the signs and know when to get help. And I am more willing to talk about it. I have learned it’s nothing to be ashamed of and ignoring it can just hurt more.

That’s my truth. What is yours?