I suffer from depression. Maybe I have my whole life, I don’t know. I didn’t really recognize it though until after I had my second baby. My girls are only 17 months apart and it was very overwhelming to work full time and try to take care of my girls, my husband, my home, my job, and myself.
On the surface it looked like everything was ok. To the outside world, I probably looked like I had things together and was happy. Inside, though, I was slowly dying.
I lost interest in everything I used to love. I quit hanging out with the friends I had. I no longer wanted to write. My house was a disaster. I just didn’t care.
I didn’t spend any time with my kids or my family. I just withdrew into myself. I became a shell of what I once was. I gained weight. I didn’t care how I looked. I don’t think I cared about anything really.
I would also say that this was the beginning of the problems that I had with my husband. Our marriage would slowly fall apart over the next 4 years. I would eventually even move out and file for divorce.
We ended up going to marriage counseling where I admitted again that I suffered from depression. I went on meds and continued the counseling. My husband and I reconciled and we are happier than we have been in a long time.
I have been spending time with my family again. My husband and I make an effort to connect. I am taking better care of my home. I am writing again. Overall, I am taking care of me again.
I quit the meds and no longer go to counseling, but I can feel the depression creeping back in. Just last week I felt a sense of hopelessness like I haven’t in a long time. I am making an appointment to see my counselor again and will fill my prescription. I don’t want to spiral like I did a year ago.
I would like to think that I am smarter now. I know the signs and know when to get help. And I am more willing to talk about it. I have learned it’s nothing to be ashamed of and ignoring it can just hurt more.
That’s my truth. What is yours?
I’m so glad you managed to turn things around. As for how you feel now, it’s wonderful that you know and acknowledge what’s going on. I hope you pull through with the help, support and love you need. Stay strong.
Thank you for linking up to JBE.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..The Truth
Thanks for stopping by and for the kind words!
You may not realize it, but it is so incredibly brave to admit when you need help. I’m new here, but I’ve dealt with depression myself. Admitting that you need help, then getting it, is so amazing, I can’t even tell you. The strength you have is awesome.
Brandi recently posted..Inspired by :: The Truth
Thank you for saying that I am brave and that I have strength. That means a lot.
I understand all too well the feelings of depression. I am glad you are sharing your truth. You’re right, there is NOTHING to be ashamed of. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. You are not faulty.
And you did the work to fix it and to fix your marriage. That is an amazing testament to how strong you are.
I am also sharing my truth today through Just Write. It can help us and it can help others.
molly recently posted..snap.
I can’t even tell you have it feels to know I am not alone. For so long I have kept quiet because I was embarrassed. Thank you for sharing your story too.
I’m so glad you can see the signs in time to act. I want to echo Molly: it *is* an amazing testament to your strength. Go you!
Twitter: kathleenmbasi
Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot!!
This was a wonderful post. Thank you for writing about depression. My best friend suffers from depression and i plan on sharing this post with her so she’s knows she is not alone.
Julia recently posted..Cryin it Out
Definitely let your friend know she is not alone! And you are a great friend for supporting her.
Brave post. This is my truth too.
I’m so glad you and your husband reconciled. It always makes me so sad to hear of a marriage breaking up over this, because I know what it’s like and I know that real person is still in there. I’m glad you found her again and have found a way to live with it.
Thanks for linking up with us on Just.Be.Enough.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..The Blogger’s Manifesto
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
Thank you for your kind words. It took some time, but yes, I found the person in there. I am still working on her and probably always will be.
I have been there as the mama of two just barely making it.
I have been there when everything is in shambles.
I have been there when things start looking up.
I have been there when it all starts spiraling back down.
And I have been there when things swing back up.
I’m on the upswing now.
And I don’t typically pimp my own posts in comments, but I’d really love for you to read this.
http://theiveyleague.com/2011/02/22/more-than-baby-blues/
Praying for you.
Big, big prayers.
Thank you for the prayers and for sharing your posts. Praying for you also.
I’ve been working on my depression relapse post in my head. I’m not brave enough yet to share it. Thank you for sharing your story. Nodding, tears in my eyes, I truly get it mama.
danielle recently posted..still life sunday: late
It took me a really long time to share my story. Just remember you are not alone. *hugs*
Your bravery, courage and decision to seek help is admirable. I can relate as I have struggled with depression since adolescence only to have it “return” seemingly out of nowhere this year. I’m feeling much better than I did even just a couple months ago but in the back of my mind worry that I will go back to that place. Even so for now I try to focus in getting through each day and occasionally I stop to look back so that I can remind myself of how far I’ve come. How far I CAN come. I am still standing and you are too. History and shown you that you can get through this and you will!
Hugs and prayers to you.
Thank you so very much for your kind words. We definitely will both get through this! Hugs and prayers to you too!
Thank you for being brave enough to share this with us. I needed to read this today.
I’m so glad that you’re seeing the signs and being proactive for yourself and your loved ones. My thoughts are definitely with you.
Thank you for linking up with JBE!
Mrs. Jen B recently posted..Wellness Wednesday: Hitting My Striiv
It wasn’t easy to share, but I realize more and more I am not alone. It warms my heart to know that sharing my story helps others.